Pandemic teaching reflection
Does any teacher really want to reflect on Spring 2020? The history teacher in me wanted to have my own primary source to look back on. The humanitarian in me paused because my complaints come off selfish and elitists. I am thankful to have a job during a global crisis, but I’m not a first- year teacher. I know this is not how the school year was supposed to end. I also know that my Instagram and now blog is based on not having it all together and being honest that I will not always be happy in the classroom. I decided to post this because I wanted to tell other teachers it is acceptable to be upset. We all had to overcome obstacles to finish out the school year in a way that could never be predicted.
I was in shock when I received the news I would not be returning to my classroom after Spring Break. My natural reaction is it will be fine, and the first two weeks were not too hard. I am a flexible person and had considering teaching online the previous year if it wasn’t for the significant pay cut. I also have perfectionist workaholic tendencies. I constantly have a to do list, and I wear myself out during the school year. I usually spend my breaks from school sleeping. I was looking forward to not waking up at 5:45 am and spending more time with my dogs. I was also in disbelief that a global pandemic would ensure I would not see my students again.
Then it became clear I was not going to see my students again. I was devastated. Veteran teachers know that March to May is when all the classroom management techniques and relationship building pays off. Yes, students act crazy after testing is over, but you are prepared. You know how to meet your students’ needs. The class who has been a struggle gets better with time. I was mad that was taken away from me. Then fear kicked in. I had not heard from a significant amount of my students. How are they doing? Do they miss school? The fear never left me during this time. I am fortunate to work at school who tried contact each student. I had very few students who were unable to be reached by the end of the school year. I will be praying for them.
Then the last three weeks of school hit. It was clear to me that some students were loving online learning. They had the skills to manage their time well, and they benefited being away from their peers. We as teachers should not assume that school is a happy place for every child. School can be miserable for all types of reasons. It was great seeing some students smiling more in zoom meetings than in the classroom. One child who hardly participated in the classroom became a leader by making sure online learning went more smoothly. It was a great reminder, the best setting for students is not always in the classroom.
It was then time to go into my classroom. My school gave each hallway a specific day to check out. To my surprise, my room had been cleaned. All my zip ties were taken off my pencil pouches attached to desks. The whiteboards had been cleaned. Most of my furniture was blocked by student desks. I have no idea why, but complete anger took over me. Not only was I not with my students, but it would be the last time I saw my classroom for this school year. I normally reorganize everything and give my room a proper dusting, but I didn’t have the heart to do it. The only joy in the day was seeing my coworkers in the hallway. Some teachers had tears, but leaving my classroom left me angry.
Then the last week of school came. Can I be honest? There wasn’t a feeling over over whelming loss. I was bitter and angry. Middle school students have no concept of business hours or email etiquette. The amount of emails requesting grade changes during non-school hours was ridiculous. Yes, I answered students’ questions during non- school hours because I wanted to help them. I understand access to the internet can come at all hours of the days, but my grading does not. Yes, I understand I am grading privilege. Am I lucky to work in a school district that provided Chromebooks for students and tried to help students receive free internet? Yes, to that too. There are no words to even describe my emotions about what was going on the news during those last two weeks of school. All I know is I lost out on the joy of the last day of school. I am currently still mad about it.
What did I learn? I had failed in teaching my students executive functioning skills. Middle school is hard and doing it it online is not ideal. I know I am going to be more intentional next year about giving them the skills to be more successful online. Most importantly, I learned that we never know who is looking forward to being in our classroom each day. I had one student bring me to tears with their teacher appreciation letter. One child told me they get on zoom just to see my face. Other children enjoyed my humor. I never take that for granted. I’m not some rock star teacher with thousands of followers on Instagram. I am someone’s favorite teacher being just who I am every day. Next year, I am going to not take for granted my students and the time I have with them. I am going to spend more time relationship building and give them and myself more grace. No pandemic can stop my love of teaching.
